I AM GAY!
Now I have the proof via the wisdom and "checklist" of Kate Perry. You see she wrote this enlightened and insightful poem to music called "UR SO GAY" (I think "UR" means "you are" and not the Swedish education channel).
So the poetic check list is a bit like this:
I hope you hang yourself with your H&M scarf
While jacking off listening to mozart
You bitch and moan about LA
Wishing you were in the rain reading Hemingway
You don’t eat meat
And drive electrical cars
You’re so indie rock it’s almost an art
You need SPF 45 just to stay alive
You’re so sad maybe you should buy a happy meal
You’re so skinny you should really Super Size the deal
Secretly you’re so amused
That nobody understands you
I’m so mean cause I cannot get you outta your head
I’m so angry cause you’d rather MySpace instead
I can’t believe I fell in love with someone that wears more make up than...
So...if I have a look down this check list I must be a lover of men. Sorry I have to break this to my girlfriend...
~ I have bought a scarf from H&M, they were very cheap, on sale in fact, in fact because they were on sale you could even say that H&M (one of Sweden's largest worldwide clothing store branches) promotes homosexuality. Good on them, go H&M! Although once I bought it I wasn't that much more attracted to men...maybe it took a few more things.
~ I've know that I've listened to Mozart. As far as I'm aware I've never masturbated while listening to him. I much prefer Status Quo for that sort of thing. So as far as I know this may or may not qualify me as a homosexual. I'm not sure if you actually have to be masturbating and listening to Mozart at the same time. Heaven forbid they should play some at a gay club or at a gay pride march, imagine the mess!
~ Hemingway is one of my favorite authors. Actually a few weeks ago my entire literature class did a paper on Hemingway...AND it was raining. Thus turning the whole glass gay in one moment.
~ Well, I don't eat meat. Neither do a whole lot of my friends, or my girlfriend. We probably never knew it but we're all gay as Elton John at a Kylie concert. If we had some bacon would we suddenly feel the need to revert to our heterosexual past? No idea. With this in mind it makes every member of PETA and several punk bands also gay.
~ I had to Google SPF-45. It's sun protection. Hmmm, pretty gay!
~ Now, I haven't had a happy meal since I was a very young kid, or a super size and I guess I'm quite skinny. I could do to lose a few more inches though, but if I do does my gayness increase? Is my gayness proportionate to my size? In fact is the phrase "a big fat gay" an oxymoron?
~ Myspace, check. Actually I run a bunch of Myspace sites, a personal one, a club one, a Dharma Punx one, and a fake Pirate Party one. I would rather go on these than shag Kate Perry...again. Gay as toast.
~ I don't wear make up. So this is my one heterosexual feature.
So using the formula:
GAY -
AFI
ASSUCK
CONFLICT
DROP DEAD
EARTH CRISIS
FALL OF EFRAFA
FREYA
GATHER
GOOD CHARLOTTE
MOBY
OI POLLOI
PROMOE
RIPCHORD (actually I lived with the singer of Ripchord for a bit, he was shagging my house mate...bet she never knew he was secretly a gay!)
RISE AGAINST
SAGE FRANCIS
VEGAN REICH
ANDRE 3000
ALANIS MORISETTE
ANDY DICK
ASHLEY JUDD
BB.KING (never saw that one coming!)
BILLY IDOL
And the biggest gay couple ever...
PAUL & LINDA MCARTNEY!
oh and Lisa from The Simpsons
Now, Kate Perry herself has said that she didn't mean "gay" in a homophobic way, but in the modern slang way...which is guess means "everything bad". As famous real gay Simon Amstell beautifully put it
"If you disagree you can just Jew off, honestly stop being so Black about it..."
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