Thursday, March 31, 2011

MANOWAR!!!!!!!!!

As some will know, this week MANOWAR played in Sweden - sadly I didn't go. Partly because I had three exams this week and secondly because I was the one that when working for Hammerfall got banished to the dressing room by their bouncer for laughing too much at them (I mean...c'mon!)

But Mrs.Elk did go and really....I admire her bravery! I think seeing Manowar must actually be a dangerous thing to do!

For a start the gig must start off a bit like this...


Which is all well and good - but then they have to weed out the wheat from the chaff so to speak....


So that's a lot of people gone right away (especially in Sweden...hurr hurr hurrr)

But then they come up with possibly a not-too-smart idea.


I mean, I'm sure there are a lot of musicians out there among you and we all know what happens if you put all your settings up to 10! You don't feel more "manly" no..in fact you just hear lots of feedback and the urge to leave the room (with all the wimps and posers - and the players of false metal with black arrows in their hearts) or turn your amp down. Also "ALL men play on ten" - does that mean that every male in the audience (I would imagine that Mrs.Elk was possibly the only female there) have to also bring forth a guitar and turn it up to 10?

What about Spinal Tap eh!....yeah, I'm not going there, you all know.

So what next.....possibly a result of the last statement!


EVERY town? Do they need to buy new speakers after every gig? It must bit a bit of a set back if it happens mid-gig and they are left stood there on stage strumming un-amped guitars....

And imagine the mess!


I tell you, watching Manowar is not an easy thing to do!

And then! And then! "OTHER BANDS PLAY...MANOWAR KILL!" - Not only do they make some of you leave, they bombard you with feedback and blow up all over you but then they kill you! You gotta run for cover, I can only imagine it's a bit like that film TRICK OR TREAT (use your Googlez people!)


They kill you!!!

Na...to be fair Mrs.Elk is lucky she got out alive!

Elk with valkaries to vallhalla ride!

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

ABIGAIL - FROM JAPAN WITH THRASH!

I first read about ABIGAIL from the pages of punk bibles MAXIMUM ROCKANDROLL and SHORT, FAST & LOUD - sounded good, I was off on a hunt!

Let down, I was not! What can I say, I've always had a soft spot for Japanese thrash and the like so Abigail was right up my street. I know I have praised them many times via this blog before but it just can't be said enough!

They sound like they have sat at home for their entire youth listening to early VENOM, CELTIC FROST and BATHORY and then with no other influences started up a band and gone out to thrash. And thrash they do!



 The band have released no end of splits, live albums, bootlegs and so on - the album I would reccomend most is ULTIMATE UNHOLY DEATH - you can visit this page HERE to download the album and have a listen.



Or go into their Myspace HERE, if any of you still use Myspace since their awful upgrade


Tuesday, March 29, 2011

THE OTHER TIME I SOLD OUT - SHEBANG

Since I'm on the subject of selling out I'll tell you about a time a few years ago when according to a few way-too-cool sources I sold out.

The time I played for the band SHEBANG. Now, most of my readers in Sweden (or Japan!) will know who Shebang were but other maybe not so, a quick fill-in:

They were two teenage girls who played quirky pop (almost J-Pop actually) with a slightly "punky" style. They had quite a few hits, appeared in a popular Swedish teen-movie, did a Ramones cover and although were quite popular were also prone to attacks from the more hardcore community. I'll be honest, was it not for the following story I would probably be one of the haterz.

SHEBANG IN THE SWEDISH FILM "ADAM OCH EVA"


So, it's 2004, I'm fresh moved to Sweden and working for a small record label in Stockholm. It's the same label with Shebang, A-Teens and most famously Rednex. They are starting off a small rock sub-division and I'm in charge of booking and promotion. The bands were RISE & SHINE, THE ACKERMANS, ENEMIES SWE To my credit I ended up getting the band PAPERBACK FREUD a record deal there.

So anyway, I'm aware that Shebang are on the label and how they are a very well known band. One day the boss told me that one of the girls from the band, Marina (the "main" one) is going to be visiting the studio. OK, I think, whatever.


But when we met, instead of being faced with the barbie-record-label-puppet brain dead slave I was expecting, I met a very down to earth, genuine, intelligent, talented girl who was really out of place in a "pop" band and more at home being a singer/songwriter. Turns out that Shebang was never really where she wanted to go with music and only took the deal to be in the band on the condition that one day she would get here own solo album.

Over time we became friends - I found out that she struggled a lot with the integrity of being who she was and yet portrayed so much as just this "pop star" girl. There was even a punk band that wrote a song "I wanna fuck Shebang" - which she laughed about but you could tell it was harsh. Still, like she said whatever band it was had done their homework! I stopped seeing Marina the pop star in Shebang and started seeing Marina the person.

So, a while later and she's kicked out the other girl in the band and they are looking for another, Betty joins the band and is just as down to earth and pleasant too. A really nice person. I sit it quite a bit when they are recording their new album, helping out sometimes with "translating" the lyrics.

So anyway, I get another job and don't see them for a while until one day they need to go out and do some gigs for the new album (Go, Go, Go). Marina calls me up and asks me if I would be willing to play a few gigs with them on guitar as they want to have a full band live and she knows I can play and knows that I am familiar with their music.

I'll be honest, I sat home for a while thinking about it - although I would be doing it just as a favor, it could in principle backfire on me - especially as at the time I was playing for LUCIEN which were so against anything slightly mainstream.


In the end I spoke to Marina about it and my hesitations she convinced me into doing the gigs in her usual style, kinda like "what the fuck Greg, get your head out of your ass and come and have a laugh". In the end I only did two gigs: A small club in Arvika and a charity show at Skansen.

The Arvika show was pretty cool - it was the first time I have ever shown up at a gig and just had all my stuff carried in and set up for me while I sat there eating. The support band was a rock band called "Speed Demons" that I became friends with too. Shebang live was a different bucket of haddock to Shebang on record, especially with my guitar sound behind them (I usually played through a bass-head and a super distortion bringing a super heavy fuzz boom) - in fact sounded just like most rock bands I've played in but with two girl singers. Afterwards we all got to stay in a hotel, luxury apart from having to share the bed with drummer Daniel.

The second gig was the first and I hope only time I will ever stand on a stage and MIME! The gig was at Skansen in Stockholm which is where they have a bunch of pop and TV-related goings on (I think the gig was on the TV too, but I've never seen it) along with Rednex, Cococarolla and more - the singing would be live but the music would be piped in through the speakers. The girls could have done it alone but wanted us there so it felt much more like a "band". Since the gig was in aid of children with cancer (and sufferers themselves would be there) I said yes - plus it was a chance to stand on the Skansen stage and most importantly...free food. I think we only played four songs, and although we had two guitar players only I could do the show so I "played" two guitars at once - afterwards we got to meet some of the kids.

So that was my time with Shebang - after that the rest of the album promotion was done with just the girls - and a lot of it in Japan.


A while later when Lucien's album came out a few reviewers found it great to dig up the dirt on these two gigs and add their own take - that I played on the album, that I was "in" the band, that I wrote the songs, that despite my hardcore underground spouting I was really a fake. Hmmmm. Thanks for that. None of the hundreds of superbly underground outputs I have done in my time played and part anymore.

Marina and I toyed with the idea of getting her up on stage when Lucien played to get her to sing a few tracks with me, just to fuck with the haterz. Well, I stand by helping out my friends, and I had a laugh and I did (yet another) bit for charity. No regrets and as you see, I'll write all about it here!

 
Elk in the temple of love.

WHAT'S IN A NAME TRA-LA-LA

Me and Mrs.Elk were having a chat the other day about categories for bands and music and I thought about how fucking hard it is to explain to the lay man exactly what it is I like and what I am all about....

I haven't found a convenient comfortable pigeon hole for me yet.

Now, I usually say "I don't like heavy metal". But what that really means is "I like some heavy metal" or rather "Actually I like quite a bit of heavy metal, I just don't like or want to be associated with your average heavy metal fan".

Check the record collection, Motorhead, Metallica, Slayer, Judas Priest, Kiss, Iron Maiden, lots of Thin Lizzy, one, two, THREE Manowar albums (ok, so I found them in a 2nd hand shop, bought one, took it home to listen to and fell off my chair laughing - a few minutes later I was back down the shop for the other two) and so on. Pretty strange record collection for someone that doesn't like "heavy metal" or "classic rock".


Of course you'll also find do end of punk, grindcore, death metal, jazz and so on.

So what don't you like then Greg? It's the fans right! You hate the fans....long hair, leather jackets, ripped jeans, band t-shirt....oh wait, that's what you have on! This isn't going anywhere....

 

What is it that seperates the "alternative guitar based music fan" me from the others...? Hard to say! But I know that there is a difference. Maybe the market? Like the commercialism of it all...

Maybe it's the 25+ years of different scenes and fads that have built up to encompass the best of all and hate the worst.

But I also got thinking about genres and how they have changed over the years. Now, if I think of a "heavy metal" band then I would say like, Motorhead, AC/DC....but no no no said Mrs.Elk, that's "rock". Heavy Metal is like Hammerfall, Iron Maiden etc...yup, she got a point!

Way back before grunge there were some bands that would come under the category "hardcore" because they were not a rock band, or a heavy metal band and more than your average 77' punk band. These could include such bands as Minor Threat and Black Flag of course, but also Mudhoney....yup...that's right, I heard it on several occasions. Mudhoney the harcore band. Then grunge came along and suddenly they were grunge - as were former "punk" band L7, and former funk band Faith No More - then grunge died and these bands just became "rock" again.

Emo.....it's crazy when I read interviews with my old band Mr.Zippy (who always were a Skate-Punk band that touched on Melodic Hardcore) and we talk about some of our new material being "emo"....we'd be shot in the street these days, but back then (the mid-to-late 90s) this meant that we were fans of bands like Rites Of Spring, Fugazi even that iffy Face To Face album with "God is a Man" on it. Anything that was punk with a dash of feeling and dynamics. What's emo these days? I don't even wanna go there.


Hardcore....what's hardcore? It was Minor Threat, Black Flag, Bad Brains, then it was Strife and Earth Crisis and Throwdown - basically Heavy Metal with short hair. What is it now? I have no idea, really.

I think my love for the classic rock is based more in nostalgia and irony. If I watch "Live After Death" I think it's awesome when Bruce jumps over the monitors in his spandex and beats up Eddie....but only because back then it WAS awesome!

I'll be honest I have no idea still how to put myself in a niche - to be continued!

Elk out.

Monday, March 28, 2011

YEAH....OK.....I LIKE TRUE BLOOD....

So when exactly was it the vampire became all trendy? And more so aimed at the same market that suits more the likes of The Jonas Brothers?

I'll admit it - I watched TWILIGHT quite a while back and thought "wow, it's like this generations LOST BOYS"....boy was I wrong. Although I thought the first film itself was quite beautiful in a few ways - after that it just got terrible. I think maybe vampires are just so melancholy and emo - and there is a lot you can do with the concept although Twilight, True Blood (and I'm assuming Vampire Diaries although I have never seen it) all follow the same basic plot. Young girl falls in love with noble and loyal vampire - throw in a few werewolves and a few evil vampires - bish bash bosh, lunch?

Give me Interview With a Vampire, Dracula, Lost Boys and countless B-movies anyday. Although I must confess my secret love for TRUE BLOOD. Sorry.....


Well, it's among the more interesting of the concepts - once you get past that gooey crap between Sookie Stackhouse and that plank of wood Bill Compton you're right onto just a bunch of nudity and gore and plots that are so laughable they make sense. Vampires, Werewolves, Shape Changers, the embodiment of Dionysus, Fairies, Demons.....I think Bon Temps is a bit like Sunnydale, but at least Sunnydale had the hellmouth as an excuse - or maybe where ever it was that THE X-FILES was based, where you couldn't walk down the street without tripping over something supernatural.

Plus you have the Swedish connection, and some quite interesting characters. Yes, I admit that I like TRUE BLOOD in the same way that in the 90s I admitted that I always took a late lunch from work so I could cycle home and watch NEIGHBOURS....


Well...for the sake of m'woman who wanted to watch it too, I've now gone through the first two seasons again and I'm quite certain that the third will also follow. And I'm far from upset to find out that TRUE BLOOD SEASON 4 is on it's way.

SPOILER ALERT!

Well, if anyone wants to know - lets go!

TRUE BLOOD SEASON 4 SPOILERS!


Sam will be a more central character - we saw him a lot in season 2 and learnt his history in season 3, in 4 it is said he will take a much more dark nature, perhaps even become one of the bad guys?

There is going to be another shape shifter introduced, along with a Wiccan cult and a female cage fighter all playing central roles, it is also said that Nan Flannigan (the spokeswoman for vampire rights) will also get a much bigger part.

Looks like we're going to get a "Team Bill" and "Team Eric" style plot with Sookie unsure which vampire to roll around naked with.

It starts in a few months - yeah, I'll be there.


Elk out!

Friday, March 25, 2011

SMEG OFF!

Definitions of English comedy - one of the most well played themes that continues to this day (in comedies all over) is to take a group of different people and place them in a confined place to interact. It's much funnier if they are of different class and have different outlooks on life, this will of course make things funnier.

In the 70s it would be something like...take a middle-class white family, move a black family next door...oh the laughs!

Think of stuff like RED DWARF, THE OFFICE, THE IT CROWD - it's all based around that theme (different classes, same setting). This is one reason why British comedy doesn't work so well when they try to make an American version - those of you who have seen the US version of RED DWARF will know exactly what I mean.

American shows like THE BIG BANG THEORY, HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER although kind of build up around this also.

So - RED DWARF: I've no doubt stated my love for this TV show many times before. I started watched it from the very first episode back in 1988 and have loved it ever since. I used to have all the episodes recorded to video from the TV and now have them all on DVD and just recently have been doing the run....watching them all in order. And despite seeing some of these episodes what must be hundreds of times, they are just as good each time.

For those unfamiliar with Red Dwarf it was a TV show about a city-sized spaceship that millions of years from earthed suffered a radiation leak killing the entire crew apart from one man - the lowest ranking man on board, Dave Lister, a dreadlocked, smoking, drinking rasta.hippy. He is joined by Rimmer, a hologram of his dead bunkmate that gives him that love/hate relationship, Cat - a creature evolved from Lister's cat and Holly, the ships computer gine mad after millions of years alone. In later episodes they pick up Kryten, a service robot that attempts to break his programming and even later Kochanski - Lister's fantasy woman.


The crew go through a huge amount of adventures including many alternate realities and tounge-in-cheek Sci-Fi plots.

One of the best episodes is when Bill Steer and Jeff Walker from Carcass show up.



The show plays very much on the subject of class. Lister is a low class bum with simple dreams where as Rimmer wants to be upper class but just doesn't have the resources to get there. At it's very basic level it's the "odd couple" scenario at it's best.

Although I've seen these so many times I can watch over and over again - and am very excited to find out that there is a new season planned for this year!


Anyhoo, it's Friday - time for some wicked-strength lager and a triple fried egg chilli chutney sandwich.

Elk smeggin' out!

Thursday, March 24, 2011

YEAH - I'M A FUCKING SELL OUT!

Yup - decided that since I have x-quota of visitors to this little page of ranting I was invited to display a few ads and possibly make some cash....

Hmmm...now I have always said that I don't want adverts on this blog but the thing is this....since last year's massive change in my life and the debts it built up(¤) I've been finding myself much poorer than usual - to the extent of sometimes having to borrow money to pay my rent or even to eat...and that's just not fun!

So - my excuse for installing the adverts is that if makes me a few pennies and I can buy a loaf of bread or some milk then I'm gonna do it - hope you all forgive me!

Do feel free to click on a few, you don't have to buy anything, just have a look and I might be able to buy a meal!


(¤) - Happy to say that since everything in world I knew exploded and crumbled it has been replaced with a much better life! Wonderful girlfriend, great new friends, hopefully a nice apartment soon, new found freedom and a sense of who I am (much more than ever before) and just a much better life!

PHOTOS FROM THE CRYPT






Just a few arted-out pics from last nights thrash with CRYPT OF THE ZOMBILORD - looking forward to the studio next week - prepare for a puke-green 7" soon!


Wednesday, March 23, 2011

TRUE LORDS OF CHAOS


If I was to return to the UK and climb up into my parents attic, there is a large plastic case - inside this case is a whole bunch of VHS tapes, each one with a film/documentary or TV show which was something loosely based on punk or metal.

Some of the "jewels" in this is a VHS compilation of DOOM bootlegs and a student-made documentary that I got from DOOM's drummer for being such a damn nice chap, and that episode of QUINCEY with the "punks" in it. A whole punk of band "home"-videos/supplements (bands like Face To Face, Millencolin, Fugazi) along with video comps and hard-to-find films like "Dudes", "Trick Or Treat" and "Repo-Man". I say "hard to find", this is before you could just download or watch on Youtube.


Now of course my collection needs some serious updating and a lot of it you can just buy on DVD anyway.

I think music documentaries are my fave, and none more than the Black Metal documentaires, of which there is quite a few! The best two I think are "Until The Light Takes Us" which is mostly Fenriz from DARKTHRONE and Varg from BURZUM chatting quite candidly. It features a few others such as Frost from SATYRICON setting things on fire and cutting up a sofa (now that's hardcore!) and the guys from IMMORTAL sans-corpse paint but wearing sunglasses in a very dark room. The stars are Fenriz and Varg, both of whom are just very down to earth and don't need to rely on trying to look mysterious or "dark" - they just are who they are.

The other "must-see" is called "True Norwegian Black Metal" which focuses of GAAHL from GORGOROTH. Of course, like a lot of these musicians they do their best to appear cool and hard and evil and mysterious and Gaahl "invents" a lot for the film, but it's a great little piece to watch, especially the last 6mins or so when Gaahl just stares awkwardly at the camera.


All this was of course before Gaahl came out as "The gayest man in Norway" (that explains the naked hanging men on stage then...) which shocked the Metal world nearly as much as when Rob Halford did it, or Freddie Mercury.....but not the keyboard player from Faith No More.

To be avoided - BLACK METAL SATANICA. Although it has some very good bits it's mostly ruined by some of the musicians just putting on a front and posing to the camera about how cool and dark they are. Plus the vocalist from SHINING will make you want to turn the thing off and throw it out of the window rather than hear another world from him.

Anyway - next to the collection, if it ever comes out is a the movie version of the book LORDS OF CHAOS. And this will not be a documentary but an actual Hollywood style movie with actors playing the parts. For a while one of the guys from TWILIGHT was gonna play the part of Varg Vilkerness but this how now been shelved.


Not sure what to expect yet, the website is still just one page that says "coming 2010" - I'm imagining something similar to the LORDS OF DOGTOWN film that kinda skips and dramatises everyting...but, we'll see!

Elk out!

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

AROUND THE BLOGS - 2011!


IT'S BEEN TOO LONG! For "newcomers" to my blog, this is a section I like to do once in a while where I go round and look at some of Swedens top bloggers and try to work out why they are so popular - and by doing the same things as they do....make myself just as popular!

Take it Dee Dee "ONE TWO THREE FOUR!"

Lets start with the queen of them all KISSIE - The half-woman-half-plastic wonder of the world! Failed pop-star, potential nazi and master of photoshop! ("I don't photoshop myself" she says...)


Anyway...her blog today is about what she had for breakfast...yogurt apparently. Fascinating! Myself, I am going through the "last week before payday" week so there was no food for breakfast - I'm left with easting plastic childrens toys.



OK - what's BLONDINBELLA been up to! No doubt pondering the meaning of life and how to solve the problems in the middle east...lets go look!

Sorry, my mistake - she's been having meetings at work but it's ok because her laptop has a nice Mulberry case....well I was close, what do I use for my laptop? Well have a looky!


...and I don't think it comes much cooler than that.

Right - NEXT! Ah....Kenza. Well, usually she writes about the same old crap as the rest of them. Where's she's had lunch, what she bought, what clothes she has....but actually her latest is all about seeing BRUNO MARS and the backstage party with him. I'd be impressed if I had the slightest idea who he was.

Well - since my blog last week was about backstage with Motorhead I reckon I top that one already - eat my poo Kenza!

AM I POPULAR YET!?!?!?!

Elk out!

Monday, March 21, 2011

DAUGHTERS - AN ALBUM YOU CAN LISTEN TO?


I gotta admit I was in awe of DAUGHTERS 2003 album "Canada Songs" - despite being tagged with such names as "noisecore" and "fashioncore" I tend to try and look beyond who likes 'em and to what I personally think.

Reminded me a lot of MELT BANANA is what it did! Or maybe a bit of the mighty SIKTH when they were about.

Pure inventive jazz-like, free form noise basically, with blasting drums and screaming vocals, "arty" some might say - well anyway, have a listen to a track here:


But last year they released what I believe is to be their final album (maybe - story is that they broke up when recording it due to arguments on the styles) and like me, being behind with everything I only just got my hands on it (funny how I was more up to date on what went on BEFORE the internet and Facebook....).

Its a huge move in styles, much more listenable and even sung vocals instead of screaming barks - I thought this was the sort of thing I usually hated when a band did but nope, this is actually a belter of an album, check out a track here:


And the album is now out on Hydra Head (so you know you can trust!)

The Elk with the most - out!

Thursday, March 17, 2011

GOD SAID TO NOAH, LETS BUILD AN ARKY ARKY!


The Ark.

Been thinking about it recently and decided on its possibilities but more so that it raises a very good question in the name of Creationism vs Evolution.

OK, so most of you are familiar with the story. One day God was really mad at everyone in the world because they were all shit and decided to cause a huge flood to get rid of every one, all apart from this one bloke called Noah and his family because they were the only pure ones. Lets not question that any further, just go with me...


So...my main quarrel is, how the hell did all those animals fit on? I mean, still today we are discovering new animals so also, how did he find them all? How did they all get there? Lets just go with the flow and say that God helped out, they were all there.

Right so...here is where I think the logic fails a little. The dimensions of the ark were 300 cubits long, 50 cubits wide, and 30 cubits high. Yup, says so right there in the Bible. A cubit? well, thats an old measurement based on the length of a forearm. About 53cm. So, lets do the jiggery-pokery math.

15900cm X 2650cm X 1590cm

=

159m X 26.5m X 15.9m

= roughly 67,000 squared meters - Thats a lot of room! This was a big boat!


But....big enough? We'll hop over the logic like, what did they eat and drink for a year and how did they clean up (I also think of the WEIGHT) but again, God's help right.

But...big enough? For example lets start big, lets take the elephant. There are 7 different species of elephant. Lets say an elephant is 3m high, 3m long and 2m wide, thats 18 squared meters. Times 7, thats 126 squared meters....oops, nope because we need TWO right? Two of every animal, so 252 squared meters. Yup, that's ok, we have the elephants on no problem....we don't need to worry about whales or fish, they got it covered.

But...bats? There are over 1100 species of bat. Lets say each rolled up into a ball and was only 5x5x2cm (50 squared meters), that's 550 squared meters, times two....1100 squared meters. OK, that's just two types of animal and we're already down to 65648 meters left.


Mind you, that's still quite a bit, so lets think small! Lets take insects - now it gets tricky because there are 30,000,000 types of insect. Lets level out a bit and say each is only 1 squared cm each...that's 300,000 squared meters, time two! 600,000 squared meters - nope, that's way over room!

OK, hmmm..

38,000 types of spider
2900 types of dog
more than 500,000 types of CAT!
over 1000 types of lion....and so on.

You're seeing where I'm going with this right? There is only one way that this could be slightly possible to house everything and thats that if there was only two basic types of every animal (even then I'm not too sure but let's go with it) - and that means only one thing!

I present to you my loophole.

.....after they got off The Ark...they evolved. That's the only way - Creationists, I'm not here to disprove your God, but if he's up there, go with the fact that he's probably got evolution covered too.


Oh, I forgot - after The Ark there was a rainbow and God said to Noah that this was his promise to never do anything like this to mankind again. And the Black Death, WW1, WW2, Hurricane Katrina, the Tsunami in Thailand and Japan etc didn't happen.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

ELK'S MELODIFESTIVALEN GAME!


You know what, this year I have managed to completely avoid anything and everything to do with Melodifestivalen (the Swedish run-up to Eurovision) - how good is that.

OK, I have not Googlzed and I seriously know nothing about what went on but based on the past few years I am going to make a guess at some of the kind of bands that showed up....you can tell me if I was right or not.

1 - The 80s-come back!

A star or band that was big in the 80s or 90s popping up to show us all how it's done. I dunno, Shebang, or The Pinks when they are grown up.


2 - The pure novelty act!

Every year needs one - sometimes they even win (see LORDI) - but like a local election every competition needs the loonie that just has no idea and no place, so we can all have a laugh....at them.


3 - The Half-Star/Celeb you haven't seen doing anything musical for a while!

A band or celeb that you've only seen on reality TV shows or in the papers for something other than their musical contributions. That Doggie Doga-scooby-snacks for example, or Dregen, the attention grabbing prick. Throw Kissie into that bunch too.

4 - The "Pure-Svensk"!

Sweden is a proud land! Get rid of the darkies and anyone that isn't a blonde-haired blue-eyed pure-breed or believes in anything else other than a Christian god. And the general public need a band to reflect this, standing on stage singing songs about Midsommar, Sil, Aquavitt and so on dressed in blue and yellow and displaying no behavior that would suggest they have ever spoken to a Muslim. See "Head & Shoulders" from last year (actually I don't remember what they were called but something that was a shampoo brand....Fructis? Timotei?)


5 - The old man/old woman pity-vote!

Find a sweet pensioner, whack 'em up on stage and give them a song to sing about their long and multi-faceted life and we'll all go "awwwww". Pure media gold.

6 - The desperate rock band!

Rock music was demoted from rebellious to mainstream in Sweden the day Metallica released The Black Album, suddenly your embaressing uncle liked Rammestein and your mum thought that Vince Neil was a "lovely young man". To celebrate this Melodifestivalen take a bunch of young gulibles, get a bunch of song writers to re-arrange "rock you like a hurricane" and frog-march them out on stage to mime it. They then think they are superstars and play all the festivals and clubs for the next year before vanishing because....a new rock band shows up on Melodifestivalen and when you pander to the mainstream audience, you get fickle!


Former bands include attempted rapists H.E.A.T, de-throned Queens of girl-power rock Crucified Barbara (with a song so lame it could have been written by a 10-year old....give us "Rock & Roll Batchelor" anyday!) and Pain Of Salvation that although their song only featured two members playing, thought it would be better to bring the whole band up on the stage....with instruments so they could stand there like lemons.

SO.........was I right?

Monday, March 14, 2011

STONE COLD CRAZY!

Don't judge me! I don't need me no best friend lives on the other side of planet earth anyway!

Ok, so maybe, just maybe sometime in the early 90s I kinda sold out a little bit. I was always THRASH! And then I was always DEATH METAL! And then one day I didn't have a band to play in, and this quite popular....(puts hand over mouth so as you don't hear me properly) ¤glam rock¤ band from my town asked me if I would like to play bass for then.

Ah what the fuck, I went ahead and did it. And besides, everyone knows that glam bands get all the girls. Or would have if they didn't live in Clevedon.

Anyway - STONED CRAZY was the band, and they started as a bit of a make-up and big hair band with two singers and no drummer. We didn't like them as they played glam rock and we liked death metal and went "RAAAA" a lot and they were all like "ooo ooo oo baby!".

Then they got smart, sacked the singer that was shit and just kept the good one, fired the short-haired bassist and got themselves a bonefide ROCK GOD and even managed to find a drummer...who, like a lot of people I have pegged for great things, is now like Mr "I'm a fucking celebrity drummer" in the band MALAKI - Nicko McBrain asks for HIS autograph and that's actually not a joke.

Well, they kind toned down the make up and hair and went for a more straight forward rock sound and I was on that vibe man, we even recorded a demo in a real studio - although most of the day was spent running round doing other stuff.

We played some gigs, grunge came and wiped everything that wasn't grunge off the face of the earth - no more band. But for the few years I was with them it was a good laugh and good times with good friends - just the other day I managed to get sent this video of the band playing in 1992. If I remember right it was some sort of "reunion" gig for the band but don't quote me on that.

My girlfriend watched it pissing herself and asking if I was born with the tattoos, dreadlocks and necklace. Shit man, nearly 20-years ago, when does Peter Pan grow up?(*)

I am trying to get the VOB file onto Yooztoobz but I can't seem to find a file that works, sob. Anyway, the thing that struck me most about the video is not only how young we all looked but also how incredibly wasted we all are! I's like to say this was due to a few shandys and low tollerance but....I know otherwise!

Hopefully a vid soon!

(*)Trick question - Lemmy IS God.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

THE OL' BOY'S BACK!

A few of us super-nerdy Napalm Death fans have been getting a bit excited over the posts from Mick "Napalm Death AKA:The Human Tornado" Harris' new band up on Youtube.

We've loved the fella in Napalm Death, we've heard SCORN, LULL and PAINKILLER and been flabberghasted. We've followed his adventures in the book "Choosing Death" and we've watched him take us round Brum on the SCUM 20th year edition DVD(*)


After hearing on the DVD that he didn't even own a kit anymore and trying to watch him pull off a blast beat we all thought "aww blesss"....but no! The scoffers, un-scoff your scoffing because the boy is back to show us all how it should be done - pure blast from the heart - check out this rehearsal recording and shit your pants!


Recording planned for the summer - are we excited? FUCK YEAH!!!

(*)it could of course be just me who is so loyal....

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

MY POSI-POST

I've had quite a roller-coaster of a life. Sometimes right up there on the top, sometimes right down there in the pits of hell. I guess everyone could say that.

One thing I try to remember is that no matter how bad things get they do generally tend to get better, and that when I'm in heaven I remember those times when everything was about as fucked up as it gets and think "wow".


Thursday, March 3, 2011

COCKROACHES AND LEMMY


Finally got round to watching that documentary film "Lemmy" - pretty good, pretty good. Lemmy is like the legendary rock star and like Ozzy, and like KISS, we've heard their stories over and over again - but this somehow managed to either avoid that or give it a different take, good man!

Best quote in the film - "If they dropped a nuclear bomb on the world the only things left would be cockroaches...and Lemmy".

And so I got to thinking about the time I worked for Motorhead and met the man. This was about 3 or 4 years ago in Stockholm. I worked as a roadie/stagehand for many bands that came through Sweden and even went off with bands to do the whole "stand on the side of the stage and tune the guitars" thing.


Motorhead came to town - usually I would work backline (setting up the drums and amps and stuff) partly because I kinda knew what I was doing and partly because my immediate boss (and good friend), Martin would put me on that job because it was the easiest but only if I promised to give him any plectrums I found on stage which he would then sell on Ebay to buy himself sought after punk records. I delivered, he rewarded - it was a nice deal.

This time I worked on lights because I had previously worked with their lighting guy on a few other gigs and we got on - but I did get to hang out with the direct road crew (British crew, British roadies - something to talk about) I got shown the "Rickenbastards" - Lemmy doesn't play "Rickenbackers" like it's said but he plays basses specially built by his personal bass roadie called Rickenbastards. They are a little bit smaller, I guess in order to make Lemmy look a bit taller as despite his media image, he's not that tall!


In the middle of the day when it's just "sit back and wait" time the rest of the stage-hands go home until the evening but I would always stay behind the whole day with a small team to take care of the support bands and just to be there in case anyone needed anything. It was a lot of sitting about for a few clams more and a free lunch (fuck yeah!).

I got to see Motorhead soundcheck - just the band, the sound guy and me sat in the middle of the big empty hall watching them do their stuff. They sound checked with "Liar" and a few Thin Lizzy songs - none of which they played live later so that was like my own little private exclusive Motorhead concert.

So anyway (adopt persona of Del Preston the roadie from Waynes World 2)....Motorhead went on and did an excellent show.


After the show I was packing up the lighting rig into the truck and one of the rigs rolled right over my hand...which should have crushed it (not me! man of iron!) but without question or hesitation Phil Cambell's roadie rushed me off to Phil Cambell's dressing room and plunged my hand into Phil's ice bucket filled with cider. So, we got chatting and Phil heard I was from Bristol, but when I told him I was from Cornwall he was off (Scotts and Irish never seem to have a connection with the Cornish despite us trying but the Welsh totally get it...Phil Cambell is Welsh btw...) I ended up walking out of there with an armfull of Strongbow Cider for my troubles.


Well, later on in the night once we had finished everything and pretty much everyone had gone home a few of us hung back - it was the first of a 3-day run of work. Motorhead, then Springsteen and then The Black Crusade tour - so instead of going home a few of us would always find a sofa to crash on since we were only getting up in a few hours to come back to the same place anyway (after many of these several-gigs-in-a-row-sleeping-at-the-venue gigs I was frogmarched towards a shower). This time a few us had to hang back anyway. To clean Lemmy's room once he'd finished doing whatever he was doing in his dressing room. His PA kept apologising that he was there so long but we didn't care - we were there anyway, we just kicked back and drank the cider and left over beers.

About 3am he came out of his room, he greeted us and we shook his hand and he thanked us, he left us with "thanks for staying back, there's some JD left over for you". We went into his room and he'd left us half a bottle, along with a JD glass that I still use today.

Springsteen's road crew got a couple of pretty hungover stage hands the next day - we blamed it on Lemmy, they understood.

DARE YOU GET INTO THE CRYPT!


Progress! CRYPT OF THE ZOMBILORD have managed to churn out no less than 8 pretty little ditties and will be entering the studio at the start of April to work on capturing the magic. If this will be released in the future as a CD or a demo or a 7" is to be seen, I think we're all a bit hooked on the idea of a 7" but we'll see!

Probably me at my coolest

I think our longest song is just over 2 mins with the average length being around 1 min, expect to hear influences from Napalm Death's FETO era, the mighty EBOLA, DOOM of course a bit of HELLNATION and MAGRUDERGRIND, early CARCASS and some almighty thrashing chugging riffs brought straight down from CELTIC FROST and DISCHARGE.

Robban is looking for his magical maths phone

We opted to stay as a 3-piece instead of having a frontman as such and vocal duties will be shared between myself (who is also playing guitar) and Fredrik on the drums, which I think is not only punk as fuck as there is no frontman to pose about but is also very early Carcass.

Fredrik is always behind the camera at practice
- but here he is with the forest calling his name

Lyrically we're working on a few ideas - not sure what angle we'll attack it at. Today I've been working on a song with the working title "Okozaki Fragments" based on the principle that the more intelligent people tend to stay in school and study and not breed (or breed sensibly) and the stupider people are the ones spreading the most babies about therefore sending the future's genetic outlook into a downward spiral of stupid people. And another with the working title "Into The Crypt" which is my tounge in cheek take on Testament and Exodus and a critique of the rising 80s-glam and rock and commercial rock replacing anything good.

Can't wait? Me neither, head on over to the CRYPT OF THE ZOMBILORD MYSPACE and check out some early sample demo sounds.

Sharez it fukko!