Thursday, April 28, 2011

JUDAS PRIEST - NOT AS GAY AS YOU THOUGHT!

I was home in England this weekend and went to visit my friend Matt - the usual 100 pints of lagar (and four poppadoms) followed, along with the usual black metal record listening, funny Youtube clips and trailing through his vintage collection of KERRANG! magazines.

I came across a page and laughed so hard my beer flew out of my nose - a picture story featuring Judas Priest and some Playboy model- Here it is, as narrated by me (excuse the poor quality).


Tum-te-tum, Here I am, KK from Judas Priest just led on a bed reading about metal and playing my flying V


Room service? Why yes, I'd love some towels after a hard day hot rockin'


Say, you do know that I am from Judas Priest? Let me look you over like you're a Marathon Bar (hey, it's the 80s!)


Good lord, I'm not doctor but you appear to have a vagina!


Just sit there with your tits hanging out a bit, I've got to call the guys.


BRUMMMM BRUUMMMMMM - Here comes the rest of the band, all sat on Rob Halford's motorbike!!! In a hotel room! In what universe does this happen!?!?!


Well, I'm quite sure this is how sex happens...I'm no expert. Just what is Rob's thoughts on this I wonder.

Geez, it's great that heavy metal bands don't need semi-nude girls to promote their music anymore...

Thursday, April 21, 2011

POLICE ARE FUCKING STUPID

Just watching that program "Road Wars" on the TV.

The police are busting into a house with a battering ram - and it's hard because the door is made out of plastic.

8 of the cunts and not one points out that right beside the door they are having a hard time getting through is a glass window, and right beside that is a whole wall of glass windows.

Twats.

GLEN DANZIG GOES TO THE ZOO

First watch this.



Glen goes to the zoo.

"What did you see Glen?"

"Wheye saw a woy-oy-olf!"

"A wolf?"

"Yes, a woy-oy-olf!"

"Any thing else?"

"whhhaaaa, a giraf-af-af"

"and?"

"whhha, a some sea lie-eye-eye-awns"

Ok then.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

WHY I HATE SYSTEMBOLAGET

As many of you know I am always quick to diss the differences between Sweden (where I live) and the UK (where I am from) - but before I start I just would like to stress that there is a reason why I live in Sweden - it is BETTER than the UK in so many ways, I like it better, that's why I live here. Though there are certain things in Sweden that I dislike when I compare with "back home" - one of these is the Systembolaget.


For those not in the know, Systembolaget is the Swedish alcohol shop. If you want to buy a beer over 3.5% you need to go there. You need to be over 20 to buy and in smaller towns there is often just one or two (in Borås, a city of 100,000 there is just two).

They have certain opening times - and this is to control how much and when the Swedes drink, because of course we cannot be trusted otherwise. In their own words:

"Systembolaget exists for one reason: To minimize alcohol-related problems by selling alcohol in a responsible way, without profit motive".

In the UK at 18 years old you can go into almost any store at any time and buy a bottle of whiskey, or a 6-pack. The difference?

I have never in the UK seen a park or bus stop etc filled with old alcoholics.


Does Sweden need a big brother to tell it when it can and cannot drink? Discuss. On a Saturday the shop closes at 14.00, (sometimes 15.00) that means at 13.45 on a Saturday you can't move in the store because of all the people rushing in at the last minute to buy up as much as they can.

It also means that if you are like me and sometimes fancy a nice cold can of beer on a summer night, maybe on a Wednesday - if you don't plan it in advance then you need to go down to a bar and pay 5, maybe 6 times as much for a beer - I don't like this! It's not that I HAVE to have a beer, it's just that I like the choice to decide and to be sporadic with it too.

The system obviously doesn't work as in any suburb you can find armies of alcoholics at almost any given time, you can also see armies of way to drunk people roaming the streets at any weekend. My theory is it's like if you hide the candy from the kid - as soon as he finds it, he's off, stuffing himself until he's sick or until he gets caught. Give him the choice and yeah, maybe he eats a bit too much sometimes but he'll soon learn that he can get sick!

Also, without the choice (and this is something that I know is my own problem) if the "beer hungry" like myself can't just go buy a beer now and again, we end up at the bars, and the bars suck our money out of our pockets - it's the reason why a beer in a bar in Sweden costs to fucking much! Because they can only make a profit on a weekend.



In short - Systembolaget, I don't like you. But you're my only choice.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

A HISTORY OF A TIME TO COME - UK THRASH

I dunno how many of you are gonna remember this, or these bands (or at least you'll know some of the newer ones I'd imagine).

You see, pre-death metal and pre-grunge, a little bit post-80s-punk there was a large THRASH METAL rising, it was kinda all there was. Metallica, Anthrax, Slayer, Megadeth ruled the world. Then Thrash started sprouting out from all over, you had such bands as ANNILATOR and VOIVOD from Canada, SEPULTURA from Brazil and so on - plus there was a healthy outlet of UK trash bands.

SLAMMER, TORANAGA, XENTRIX, LAWNMOWER DETH and the much bigged up here at the Elks, ACID REIGN.

These bands never reached as heady heights as their overseas friends but were ever part as important. And now someone has been clever enough to put together a nice documentary about the scene at the time, and it's continuation into modern day. These days you have EVILE, BULLET FOR MY VALENTINE etc that is really a continuation of that scene - although these bands are too young to remember it all the first time round. Where did they get it from? Well ¤cough¤ you've got BFMV that were to start with influenced by such local bands as...umm, lets say my old band, Mr.Zippy(¤) - who took influence from the UK thrash bands of course. We used to frequently say that the punk scene at the time felt much like the UK thrash scene of the 80s-early 90s. So it's all handed down.

Anyway, very excited to see this when it's completed, for now here is the trailer!




(¤) - this is actually a fact believe it or not, BFMV supported us more than once in their early days and came to all our gigs when we were in town.

Monday, April 18, 2011

WALL OF DEATH....OFFICER DOWN

It was 2003 and I was on tour with Mr.Zippy for three months or so (yeah, we did that) and our Japanese friend Masa had heard about the tour and flew over from Nagoya to Clevedon to do the first few weeks with us - just for fun, he was cool like that.

We had a day off, and although I had planned on sitting on my ass with my hands down my pants watching Family Guy and eating chips, Masa had other ideas.

One of his favorite bands THE HAUNTED were playing in Cardiff, so - he wanted me to go take him over to see them, so that's what we did, my treat. It was at Clwb Ifor Bach so I knew that place well, and in we went.

The first band up was actually a band that I had recently bought the album of, DECEMBER - the album was called "The Lament Configuration" (sounds like an episode of The Big Bang Theory right?) I order you to find it. In 2003 they played kinda an early version of I guess what would be called Metalcore these days - back then it was just extreme hardcore with death screams - I managed to find this video:



Good stuff! Guess they vanished.

OK, so up next were they amazing STAMPIN' GROUND - and this is where the funny bit of my story comes in. Because I am kinda gig-weary and I know what the Welsh hardcore kids are like, so I put myself way back by the merch desk with my pint and stood and watched the action. Masa, my 5-stone Japanese friend on the other hand decided that he would charge down to the front and see how long he could hold on for. He managed all of December (the band, not the month - that's too long for a gig) and then came back to find me and dry off before heading back down to the front for Stampin' Ground.

It was during this song:



That the singer yelled out "WALL OF DEATH!!!". Ahh ha! Ok, this should be fun thinks me - a wall of death....wait hold on, Masa is in that pit! Does he know what a wall of death is? He didn't.

For those of you who need education on the matter the "wall of death" is an old hardcore dance move/crowd move where the audience parts in the middle and crushes to either side of the room, leaving the middle open and each side glaring at each other like something out of Lord Of The Rings. When the song into reaches it's apex...they charge!!!! All good fun except when this happened in Cardiff there was just one small Japanese kid left in the middle of the room looking very confused and very scared.

As the drums kicked in I watched as one would watch a car crash - the two sides clashes and he flew into the air and was tossed about on top of the audience for a while before vanishing...poor guy.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

DID I TELL YOU THE ONE ABOUT MARILYN MANSON?

Have a look at this vid - just as the lights go up on Marilyn, right behind him you see a roadie bent over a piece of scenery pushing it off stage.....

...that's me!



I'm not meant to be there, I'm meant to be way off stage by now but it didn't really go to plan. You see, there was these four candle type scenery things on stage and Marilyn's roadie told us to get them off after the first song - no problems. Or at least if it wasn't for Marilyn himself.

The stage was dark and filled with smoke, I ran on, in the smokey dark and who should come looming out of the fog like something from The Rocky Horror Show if Stephen King had directed it...yup, you guessed it.

7ft tall and staggering about like a teenage girl after 3 Breezers he came right for me, and for a few seconds we did that "no, please after you" dance where you both go for the same gap several times. Fucking Manson, out of my way I wanna get off and get another beer. Eventually I kind of ducked around him and he also span so we sort of did this "I spin round your back and you spin round me" dance....and got on with our jobs. Except that little stunt nearly lost me mine.

Fucking Manson. Fucker set the whole show back by 30mins because he couldn't be bothered to come out his dressing room to soundcheck. Imagine, the whole set up, all the band, all the crew, all the stuff...the whole building just waiting to see if this jumped up freak can be bothered to come out of his room and speak a few words down a mic. He didn't.

After the show the entire crew that was pushing all the lights and amps and shit up ramps had to stop because the lanky deviant wanted to stretch his legs - he walked by us with his woman, who for some reason was carrying a hair brush (?) to the outside where they set fire to a small straw animal and chanted some mumbo-jumbo. Yeah, thanks for that, now we all gotta go home a bit later.

Still, a few years later and I'm working at METALTOWN in Gothenburg and the double M is there too, but this time he's finished playing and I get to clean out his dressing room. This time - thanks Manson! Finished off his beer, shared out all his expensive meats and cheeses with my co-workers and laughed at his rider.

He even had his own port-a-loo, complete with Manson shit in it. Yes, shit, like real shit. Thought about how I could E-Bay it....never really got there.

Fucking Manson.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

THE REAL ORIGINS OF STRAIGHT EDGE

Straight Edge! All the X'd up hands and the cool kids doing their thing - just look at them go, here are some of them doing their stuff.










No no, I'm not gonna have a go at Straight Edge, it's not me but at the same time I think that anyone who makes that choice (and lives it without pushing it on others) is doing a good job.


But anyway....we all know where Straight Edge came from right? Of course we do I hear you yell - this guy!






Ian MacKaye and Minor Threat with their song "Straight Edge"



I'm a person just like you

But I've got better things to do
Than sit around and fuck my head
Hang out with the living dead
Snort white shit up my nose
Pass out at the shows
I don't even think about speed
That's something I just don't need

I've got the straight edge

I'm a person just like you
But I've got better things to do
Than sit around and smoke dope
'Cause I know I can cope
Laugh at the thought of eating ludes
Laugh at the thought of sniffing glue
Always gonna keep in touch
Never want to use a crutch


And again with their song "Out Of Step"




(I) Don't smoke,
(I) Don't drink,
(I) Don't fuck,

At least I can fucking think.

I can't keep up,
I can't keep up,
I can't keep up,
Out of step with the world.

Listen,
This is no set of rules,
Im not telling you what to do,
All im saying is im bringing up three things,
That are like so important to the whole world,
That I dont identify as much importance in,
Because of these things,
Whether they are fucking or playing golf,
Because of that I feel.



So yeah - it started there.....or did it?


I say...no! Because although Ian says that it was his environment that made him feel and act this way, not a lot of people know this but he was actually influenced by another rocker, I guy who was straight AND rocked - HE was the reason Ian felt this way and knew it was possible...who was it? Well this guy of course!






TED NUGENT! - Yup that's right, don't ever blame or credit Ian MacKaye and Minor Threat for kicking off Straight Edge, it was The 'Nuge all along!


Ted Nugent - Straight Edger!


¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

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Tuesday, April 12, 2011

RISEN: A HISTORY OF THE AMEBIX (The whole movie for you to watch)

This is a rip of the AMEBIX film RISEN: A HISTORY OF THE AMEBIX. Only 500 copies of the DVD were ever made, and now sold out - if it's your kind of thing the whole film is up on Youtube (or below) - not sure how long for but anyway - enjoy the film, it's pretty good stuff! My home towns of Bristol and Clevedon get a mention and the whole thing is a bit of a practice in the West Country accent - when he's talking to Spider and the keyboard player later in the movie......that's what it's like to walk into a local pub round my ol' stomping grounds.

Enjoy!

Monday, April 11, 2011

AMEBIX - KNIGHTS OF THE BLACK SUN

I guess most of you worship AMEBIX right? If not, why not? Go whack on NO SANCTUARY and go get some!

Anyway, as most of you cool kids will know they got back together a few years ago and are now about to release their first new original material in 24 years, it's called KNIGHTS OF THE BLACK SUN (yeah, Manowar and Mastodon, you heard!) and there will even be a music video!

Teaser here - be warned, it is a TEASER!

THE SELL OUT MYSTERY REVEALED!

If you read my post yesterday you'll know that I was surprised on the weekend to have a guy I didn't recognise come up to me and say that I had called his band "sell outs" - and I had no idea who he was.

A bit of investigating and I found out he was from a band called BAD SEDUCTION who are from here in Borås. Must be some people talking and interpreting my words into other words (seems to happen a lot in this town, mostly by the girls, and I'd put money on which girl too..).

I have never called Bad Seduction sell outs. And there is a good reason why. You have to be famous to sell out! Or do something against what you would normally do or believe in, in order to get more money and fame. These guys haven't done that so....my "sell out" lazer is off. Maybe me saying a band has sold out is the mark of making it big?

Here is some of the shitty things that I actually HAVE said about them:

¤ - It's never a clever idea to have your band name down the side of your van....that way people know that there is most probably expensive band stuff inside, while a band is riding around thinking they are the shit in their van and every knows it's them on the way "hey look! it's the band!" it's basically an advert to criminals "If you're gonna rob a van, rob this one! Even if you wasn't gonna rob a van....this one has stuff inside it you want to steal!". This however is something I would count advice and say to every band I know that buys a van (and do!), only because I know lots of bands back home in England that has all their gear nicked because they made it too obvious it was a band van. However....I do know that Sweden is very different to the UK when it comes to crime rates so... it's not such a big deal. I'd still recommend against it though.

¤ - I have seen their band name over the back of jackets all over town....but only on band members. To be fair there is nothing wrong with this, it's just funny, it's funny when any band does it - hey look here comes the band and their biggest fans! (where are the fans?....same people!), so....worth me having a chuckle and as soon as COTZ get t-shirts and patches and I wear them, everyone is welcome to laugh at me. It's only fair.

¤ - They seem to be doing a world tour....of Borås. Yup, I think I've seen posters for them playing three different places in the same town within a month or two - maybe they go off on world tours in between, I'm not sure. Either way it's not anything thats bad or wrong in any way - it is something I'd suggest against if anyone asked me their advice however.

¤ - I refused to come to a punk club gig because they were playing. Actually I refused on the grounds of two of the support bands, not just Bad Seduction. Why is this? Because it's a punk club, and they are not a punk band - and the other support band were also just not my thing. Plus it was the 2nd night for the club and I was very let down and what I thought was a punk club in Borås was suddenly letting in these 80s-rock style bands when there are many other good bands in the area. (But Greg? Yesterday you said you went to see Sister Sin so....whats wrong with mixing up the two?) Ah yes....ummmmm, OK, I have no good reason for this, it's just how I felt.

But.....have I only dissed this band? No, in fact not at all. In fact here are some NICE things I have said about Bad Seduction.

¤ - The one guy I met at my own club from the band was a totally solid nice guy. Don't remember which one it was but he asked if they could play at my club and I thought about just based on what a nice guy he was. (Walking around like a rock star just because you have done a demo and played a gig doesn't go down well in my books....being a genuine nice guy like he was does, remember that kids!)

¤ - Of all the bands of that genre that asked to play at my old club (I should say "our" as it was me and the D-Bomb) They were the only one that me and Mack-Daddy D-Bomb decided that we could let play one day.

¤ - I checked out the band.....ok, kinda the same theme I see over and over but at least the music was actually rocking and not this wimpy stuff that most of the bands do...it had balls! Plus the singers voice was really good.

¤ - I said that although they were doing this kinda 80's themed rock stuff that at least they didn't call themselves "Jikki Kixx" and wear all these glam clothes with the make-up and all that, which was quite refreshing to see. Ok they kinda border on it but....it's not DANGER or anything like that...so they got some more plus points from me.

So - have I ever called them sell outs? Nope. Have I poked fun at them? Yes, a bit. But have I also bigged them up? Yes I have.

In fact, as far as it goes they are probably my favourite band in Borås at the moment because they are not wussy glam rock or boring. And also seem to be getting somewhere at the moment, so...lets let them do an album and some tours and see what happens.

# - Anyone that points out that COTZ are just rehashing old Napalm Death riffs and playing 80s grindcore should know that ummm.....something.....that excuses us and it's still cool. Yeah!

Sunday, April 10, 2011

SISTER SIN AND THE UNKNOWN SELLOUT

Sister Sin played here yesterday - I wasn't gonna go to start with but, ah... they are actually kick ass so I had to go check it out.

There's a bit of a history with me and the band actually, I don't talk about it so much but well, since I'm here lets tell the story...

Just to fill you in, Sister Sin are a Swedish band that is often lumped in with the whole nu-glam scene but are actually just basic heads-down hard rock - Motorhead with a girl singer pretty much. They got signed to Victory Records (more known for it's straight edge hardcore) and ended up touring all over America and more.



After I was pretty freshly moved to Borås I saw that they were looking for a bass player - I wrote to them and told them that it wasn't really my thing but I'd be happy to give it a go of course. So I met the guys for a try out (just the drummer and guitarist, Liv the singer lives in Stockholm so I didn't meet her until a bit afterwards) and well...they were totally cool guys and really on the same level that I was, I could really relate to them and well..they were just cool. I got a copy of the album to learn the songs and it was a totally solid album actually, much better than I had expected.

I had a few more tryouts with the band and even hung out with them for beers just to see how we clicked. I gotta say that after I heard about their upcoming really long tours and intense rehearsal schedule it was then that I started to have second thoughts - I had just left LUCIEN because I was a bit sick of all that rock and roll, and I'd been in a heavy touring band before...plus, I liked their music but it wasn't really what I was all about and really I thought that they could benefit from a bass player that was gonna totally be into it and not just me who would have kinda just been there to be along for the ride.


Their story is that they chose someone else, mine is that I turned them down. Theirs has more truth but mine is cooler.

Straight after the new bassist got in they're off on tour in the US with Motorhead.....dang! Lost out there huh!

So anyway, I went along to the club last night to see them, having never seen them live but knowing every song on the first album like the back of my hand - yup, it was a kick ass show! They rock, quite simply. It's not the kind of thing I really like but when something rocks that good you can't help but appreciate it - yup, they fucking rock!


I bumped into Dave the drummer outside afterwards and we shared a few words, then a friend of his, or someone that was speaking to him said to me "you said that we sold out" then....I dunno, something shiny caught me eye and when I turned back they had gone - no idea who the guy was or what band he was in!

As you the reader will know I am always sharp to put down the band that I think sucks - and I think a lot of them suck and especially in this 80s-revival and mainstream days I will call out their shit, but sell outs? Well then it would have to be a big band first right? So I don't think it can be a band from Borås because none of them are big! It could have been a guy from Hardcore Superstar maybe? But no...again I have never said they sold out, just that I think they look far too cliche and I hate that they have to have a beer in every pic and talk about how rock and roll they are all the time. I've seen the singer buying his milk in the store just like everyone else. And it couldn't have been Sister Sin because they have never "sold out" they just do what they do and it's cool.

Hmmm.. I wonder. Maybe people just assume I say that about every band?

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

THE BOY CAN DRINK! THE BEST ABUSERS.

Usually I don't big up the bands that go out getting wasted and making twats of themselves - but hey, if you're gonna do it do it right!

The best ever excessive substance abusers!


DAVE MUSTAINE  - The man kicked out of Metallica for drinking too much. Now, these days it seems perfectly reasonable but back then....back then.... Metallica were known as ALCOHOLICA! They drank, and I mean they drank! With beer bottles all over the place and "more beer" plastered all over their instruments, back then Metallica were not the middle-aged moaning Napster-hating, top 10 ballad writing super-band that they are now. Nope, they were full-throttle thrash, heads down chugging and yelling and more importanly...drinking!

Dave Mustaine never got to have his face on an album - he was in the band for less than two years before getting his marching orders from the rest of the band for being a complete booze monster...what a guy!

He formed Megadeth and was awesome up until the point he decided to stop drinking and went shit.


SID BARRETT - Kicked out of Pink Floyd for taking too many drugs. That's like being kicked out of an orchestra for owning an instrument. This is the band that were the staple for every stoner from the 60s until...well, now!

Pink Floyd were once called "The Meggadeaths" - coincidence?  Legend says that one day the band just decided not to pick him up for a gig and then that was it.


PETE WILLIS - Now, you might not know this name eh? Well, he was in Def Leppard up until the mid 80s when he was booted out for...drinking too much! He played on the first two albums and was apparently drunk all the time, not even being able to pick up his guitar without falling over into a heap - well done that man!

Of course - his partner in crime Steve Clark who also liked the odd tipple got the sadder end of the stick when he died of alcohol related problems.

LEMMY - Basically the same story as Sid Barrett - kicked out of one of the worlds biggest druggy bands for being too big of a druggy - and what the fuck happened then eh!




Fuckin' Lemmy!

Monday, April 4, 2011

...AND I'LL SAY IT AGAIN, THERE ARE NO SUCH THINGS AS GHOSTS!

Ghosts = Bollocks. Fact.

Just some simple thoughts - why has NO ONE actually managed to capture a ghost on camera for real. If they are the so said unrested spirits of the dead come back to deliver a message then how come they are so bloody good at avoiding going public?

Why are there not more of them? Why does no one ever see them in public or in daylight? Quite simple because they are figments or imagination. Simple.

Today the UK paper METRO posted this story:

MY SON PLAYS WITH GHOSTS (click for link)

About a "real" ghost captured on camera. Before I've even started...OOOOOOO A JIMMY HILL, ITCHY CHIN, TUTANKAMUUUUUUUOOOONNN!

Ahem. The picture:


Yup...just taking pictures of my kids standing perfectly still like they usually do and OOOO LOOK A GHOST!!!! And it's not faked, oh no no!

Now lets compare it with the "Ghost capture" app on the Iphone:


Oh would you look at that! It's exactly the same!

Once again - ghosts = bollocks.

Friday, April 1, 2011

STUDIO OF THE ZOMBILORD

First day of recording with CRYPT OF THE ZOMBILORD today - gotta say it sounded much better that I thought it would - we've gone very old school and kinda done the most in one take so it sounds more live and not so perfect and clinical (hey, Mick "Napalm Death" Harris has taught me this so you know it's good!) no triggers, no overdubs just thrash and grind!



Monday sees us laying down the vocals and maybe mixing so expect a record soon!

Check out the band more HERE or we'll eat your soul!

Sharez it fukko!