Tuesday, January 31, 2012


I have always said that Swedish TV is for the most part...complete shite. It's either people sat on sofas chatting about shite, people that think they are/are desperate to be/once were famous eating dinner and talking about shite or some shite that's a Swedish version of something else. A few exceptions do make me laugh or are good TV. But they are a few.

Now, in 2012....over 10 years since the original, Swedish TV has decided to re-make "The Office". I mean really? Really? Really......

Have we not all already seen The Office? I mean this concept has already been done....twice! Seven times if you count the French, German, Chilean and Israeli versions too. Now, I have only seen the UK and the US versions but even if you don't speak Swedish you can watch this trailer and see the same jokes from the US and UK version. Hop to 1.02 and see the Dwayne counterpart do his standing at his desk joke from a recent US episode. Hop to 1.55 and see the cast sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" from the first episode of season 2 of the UK version (they sing The Muppets theme).

Will we see the funny dance too? All the same stuff. Has not everyone in Sweden already seen The Office?

Who sits in an office in the TV headquarters and decides this shit?


You know how it is, you're sat round with some friends, a few drinks and suddenly you feel the urge to put on something that you'll all laugh at on Youtube. In my case this is usually 
A) Something only I find funny or
B) Something everyone has seen 100 times before, from me.

My favourite is of course the cringe-worthy rock videos! The videos where the band comes off more like David Brent than their desired goal and one must ask.....what were they thinking!? So we'll kick off this list today with one I discovered just yesterday. The band from my current town - SANCHEZ.

Now, I must admit that I have a bit of a personal connection to the band as (although he hasn't spoken to me in over a year now) I do know the bassist. He's moved on and up and now plays in the band EGONAUT who's latest album is awesome and should be checked out!

The singer in Sanchez (who I believe IS Sanchez and the rest is just his backing band) looks like he would have been awesome in another band in another time, but somehow in this town this is the best he could get. I will be running down a "wtf" of the lyrics and video afterwards.

"Saturday night and I take a ride in my cadillac".....didn't the start of the video tell us this was Friday?
"Suddenly you appear on the corner of 6th street"....I've Google mapped it. There is no 6th street in Borås"

Now for some reason some girls show up and have a fight, and a smoke. For no reason.

"Still Saturday night and I'm standing outside the Rainbow Bar"...or some sort of youth club in Borås.
"Suddenly you appear"....the drummer and the bassist? 
"Sunset Blvd is looking hot indeed"...nope, it's still a youth club in Borås. And you're wearing jackets.

Now "Mikey pick up that guitar and talk to me"....I don't need to point out that A) if he is in the band he should already have his guitar. B) He does not talk, he plays a solo. C) Poison already did that. Good solo though!

at 2.08 in the video a "dad's car" shows up, some sort of family car for taking the kids to school. What happened to the Cadillac?

"Your mamma told you not to run with those bad bad boys"...sorry but the girl that gets out of the car and has a smoke looks like she could be the mum of most of the band. Maybe she is, come to pick them up from band practice.

So, what we can assume from this video is that Sanchez is most possibly talking about ANOTHER Saturday night when he was in some fantasy American world where glam rockers are still cool and not a practice room in Borås....


Sunday, January 29, 2012


A while back I wrote about how Facebook is just becoming more and more the bigger big brother and how someone should really come up with another type of simple social network, seriously first person to invent a social network that is like Facebook but isn't Facebook will be a very rich man indeed, I am surprised there isn't a cluster of them!

I wrote about how impressed I was with GOOGLE+ here thinking it had answered the call but...hmmm well let us see.

It seems that Google is trying to be the bigger puppet master - mixing together all sorts of websites such as Gmail, Google Calender, Google Chrome, Youtube and so on.

I wrote an email to a friend a few days ago, we spoke of swords, and bees and the Isle of Skye and music. I noticed beside the email was a little box of adverts about swords, bees, the Isle of Skye and the bands we had been talking about. Seriously? Is that not the same as my postman opening my letters, reading them and then stuffing junk mail through my letter box based on it?

Google's big plan is now to just collect as much information as they can about it and use it to sell back to you of course, with many different apps and pages that Google is taking over.

This very blog I write on now is powered by Google.

When will this big brothering stop?


Got this through the post this week from Welly, the creator of what is (I'm pretty sure) the longest running print fanzine in the UK and possibly one of the longest running in the world, established way back when you were all fields in 1986. The brand new issue of ARTCORE which comes with a free compilation album (or the album comes free with the fanzine, or 50/50, take your pick).

Welly's been doing this for as long as I have known of him which must have been way back in the mid 90s with his band FOUR LETTER WORD that played regular round the Bristol and Wales area. FLW ended up on BYO, I have their album and 7" and then if I remember rightly there was this major record label with money that wanted to form a boy band called "Four Letter Word" and there was a law suit and court cases and lots of money involved.....this is another story for another time. But I do remember when I interviewed Four Letter Word for my own fanzine "FUCKYOUALL" back in the 90s (a literal cut-and-paste printed zine written on a typewriter and photocopied), Welly sent me the interview back typed up and copied to the right sizes and format and everything, very thoughtful and helpful!

So yes - this new issue is a belter, and the comp album is ripping, 20 tracks, mostly exclusive unreleased with bands such as Night Birds, Arctic Flowers, Off With Their Heads, Pettybone and Burnt Cross. The zine features Night Birds, Arctic Flowers, 1981, Hygiene, Ruidosa Immundicia and my own contribution, Amebix.

There is also "the vault" covering some old classic standard such as Agent Orange and reviews, art, scene reports - you basically can't go wrong with Artcore.

Go check it all out and get your self a copy: http://www.artcorefanzine.co.uk/

Saturday, January 28, 2012


Quite happy to say that Crypt Of The Zombilord will be coming over to the UK for a few dates in the summer, plan is to stop off on the way and do some shows through Denmark, Germany and France as well maybe. Good stuff! 

Wednesday, January 25, 2012


This was an advert for the new "Gladiators" TV show in Sweden. What? Was it only me that noticed?

I'd also be scared of the size of his right arm compared to the left one...

Elk out!

Monday, January 23, 2012

Sunday, January 22, 2012


My own little crusty-grind project CRYPT OF THE ZOMBILORD is seeking DIY labels to help us put out a 7". The plan is of course to split the costs with a few labels and then share the product/profits just making it cool for everyone!

Anyone interested get in touch with us - cryptofthezombilord@gmail.com

You can hear and/or download our debut mini album HERE.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Friday, January 20, 2012


As some of you know, between 1998 and 2003 I was in this band in the UK that put out a few records and did a few tours, that kind of thing.

Now, if you know the band or you've read my book you'll know that we actually took a stand against making music videos - but, that was then. Before "then" we did actually make a couple of cheap videos. We had a friend, Tim who was studying that sort of thing under the careful eye of Julien Temple (Fith & The Fury etc).

So here they are converted from VHS.

WHITE COLLAR LIFESTYLE circa 1998 - this is from the 1st album. I'm the dude at the front with the brown (later red) guitar - funnily enough Daryl the bassist is still in the band here, the guy that later ended up in AMPUTATED - and wearing an IMMORTAL shirt to boot, awesome!

Next up is PICKY from the 2nd demo around 97/98, before I was in the band, although I am in the video as the green-haired bully!

Enjoy in all it's 90s-skate-punkyness!


Thursday, January 19, 2012


Have you seen that film Rec? And they made this shot-for-shot remake with Dexter's wife just, English speaking right? Useless, and why? Thought I.

Ever since the likes of GODZILLA in the 50s, good ol' USA has decided that other countries can't make proper films (or can't read subtitles) and have decided to make their own versions. Often a pale and useless shadow of the original. Some however have been totally OK, such as THE RING, that was totally alright.

Being a fan of "Millennium" books and (original) films I have actually been following this remake of the Swedish modern classic since I first heard about it a few years ago.

So, David Fincher was on board for the remake....hold on, the maker of Se7en and Fight Club? Ok, this can not be bad!

So I waited and now I have seen it....¤voice of Catherine Tate's "Nan"...¤ - What a load of old shit!

A few minutes in and I notice that everyone is speaking with these really bad pretend Swedish accents, or what they think a Swedish accent should sound like anyway - it ends up sounding Irish at times. All apart from our main man James Bond who does it for the first two minutes then gives up.

It's filmed in Sweden and as a result all the road and shop signs are in Swedish, the magazine Millennium is in Swedish yet in the film everyone speaks and writes in English, apart from the old Poirot habbit of putting in the odd Swedish word (except he did it in French, you know what I mean!)....in fact this just get confusing.

Rooney Mara as Salander is horrible.

She seems to have stripped the original idea of all it's charm and is just very...un-Salander like! She is even NICE to James Bond sometimes! When Noomi Rapace played Salander she was stern and bitter but filled with charisma, Mara just left that bit at home and brought her terrible fake Swedish accent instead.

Salander doesn't even go to Kvarnen! She does however like to leave her ICA shopping bags lying about in a handy place to see with the logo all displayed for all to see....like you do. Pretty sure Wayne's Coffee had a hand in a bit of sponsorship too.

They throw in some plot bits that are not plot bits and are unneeded and rush the whole thing along so that it makes no sense (and I have seen the films and read the books...I know what's going on!) In the end (SPOILER ALERT!) - when all is revealed, there was no build up and you're left thinking...what was that all about?

A lot of good bits missed out, a lot of pointless bits throw in, it feels like a rushed through botch job. Personally I would of preferred to see a "re-imagining" than an attempt at getting it done Swedish-style.

It did have one redeeming feature....you know when you see an actor (or in this case actress) and you know that you know them from somewhere but can't think where? Well that was me with this woman...

Who plays Cecilia Vanger....where did I know her from? Ah yeah, that's right. Bitty woman.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012


Went back to school today, and noticed a strange trend among the girls there....the hair bun!

Now, practical maybe yes, but fashion? OK, ladies, here is my tips, you think it looks like this:

But it looks like this:

Lets compare some of the below pics:

With these:

The last picture breaks three of the "things girls think is nice looking but in no way is" rules.

1 - hair bun
2 - bright red lipstick
3 - being Gwen Stefani




Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Monday, January 16, 2012


Canadian philanthropist turned film-maker Sam Dunn (pictured below) is at it again with METAL EVOLUTION, the TV show.

A series of mini documentaries charting "metal" and it's evolution through time. He's covered a lot of bases already good on 'im, starting with "pre metal" and going through to NWOBHM, US metal, UK metal and (yuck) glam rock. Latest episode (for me to see so far) is all about THRASH - pretty much the best episode yet, possibly just because it's all about the shit I love!

Gary Holt wearing a Might Boosh t-shirt was worth it alone! Why is he suddenly the voice of Exodus? Must be his "star" moment with Slayer. I never appreciated Exodus much back in the day, which is why right now I am obtaining their back catalogue just to start again.

Very interesting to see how many bands that in my youth I considered the very apex of underground and alternative were actually  just in fact about as major label as you could get, I mean all this became very obvious later in life when Metallica knocked out "Smell The Glove", Lars Ulrich sits there defending it, Testament and Exodus sit there and say "ooo it was wonderful" only Slayer's Dave Lombardo stands up to say "I threw that fucking album down the stairs".

"Slayer! Urrrrrrrrrrrrgh!"

Dave, a mate of mine took a fire-axe and smashed it up, you pussy. Slayer were kind of the only band that didn't wuss out during that whole time when Metallica turned into U2 and so therefore every other band had to follow suit or get dropped, and of course when every single thrash fan bar none in the world deiced that the genre was no any good and then suddenly grunge popped up. Slayer. Urrghhhh!

Mind you, I've said it before - Metallica's "Smell The Glove" album, a lot of people were bashing the ballad. C'mon, think about it, their two albums previous had ballads on them....the ballad was not the sell out point, a lot of "heavy" bands were whacking in ballads here and there, god knows why, it was the only thing the CD was ever good for "SKIP!".

Even Testament had made a ballad! This was from '89, two years before Metallica went there.

There was a Youtube comment on this video "What do Jews and metalheads have in common? They both like the Old Testament better"...lolz.

But...Chuck Billy as a sex object? Should see him now, looks like his face is shrinking.

Good little program anyway, we also got a visit over to Sweden to chat with Tompa about At The Gates and so on, he comes up with the great vision of that they really wanted to take what was there on the early thrash albums and transpose that. Blimey Tompa! You'll get thrown out of Sweden if you start parading that sort of free thought and ingenuity round these parts! Sit down, shut up, fit in. If you want to like metal you can only like the government approved ones, you know that.

Then Sam Dunn chats to IN FLAMES. Why?

Mind you, he does go a bit into the newer thrash bands coming out, most of which bore the shit out if me, they totally lack the anger and energy, it's just riffs and production, give me Acid Reign any day. But then you've got Lamb Of God who are totally ok in my books - one of them is even sporting an AMEBIX t-shirt, good man!

Anyway, next up is the episodes "Grunge" and "Nu Metal" but I am hoping that there will be some grindcore or death metal episodes too!

Watch episodes of METAL EVOLUTION by going here:


Ok his one has been done to death among my punk rock peers on "that" social network - but in case you've missed it, your ol' uncle Elk is here to help.

Thursday, January 12, 2012


My BAND OF THE LAST SEVEN DAYS that rocked me the most are BAALBERITH from the UK.

Just look at that logo and artwork, what's not to like about that! Baalberith formed in 1999 and since then have had more members going in and out than a Dutch porno. Now seeming in a state of solidity are rocking big time.

Brutal Black Metal that although is a TRVE KVLT as you like and doesn't need to deviate from the standard patterns yet is by no means generic and thankfully stands heads above a lot of the "big" names of the genre in heart, soul and 'tude.

Go check them out, listen, turn up and worship santa!


Tuesday, January 10, 2012


Myspace profile picture?

By Crom no! Just showing off my new sick (sic) SICKENER tee that I got from the boysh. They've already been BOTL7D here on The Elks and there will soon be a split tape out with Indonesian grindsters DESIRE on my own fledgling label.

Go see the BOTL7D post for links and go listen to SICKENER! Or else!



Big thanks to 138 and his journalistic blagging skills over at the "you must read it if you can read Swedish" blog I JUST CAN'T HATE ENOUGH - http://canthateenough.blogspot.com/ for the prize of this awesome CONAN DVD (book and Arnie-original not included) for my wonderful poem, or possibly being one of the only 3 people that actually wanted the new Conan film on DVD.

Crom bless you CRJ!

You'll notice that the reviews are "Epic" and "Bombastic". Bombastic? That's a word I usually associate with this guy:

No sorry, my mistake....THIS man:

Queue this stuck in my head all day - (forward to 1.44)


For those that don't know "BULLSHIT DETECTOR" was a bunch of comp albums put out in the early 80s by CRASS and gave a lot of our now house-hold name bands such as Napalm Death, Amebix, Anthrax (UK), Chumbawamba and many more their first "break".

Hard to find now but you can probably find them floating about on the interwebz.

Anyway - some kind soul has made a short documentary on the making of these albums featuring members of the bands, Nick Bullen from ND and Stig from Amebix and more - go looky, well worth your eyes!



It's all over the punk-news-web. I'll join in!


Finally my chance to see the band...read this to see my previous miss in 1998:

Don't know any more details apart from that, I'm sure like me you'll wait for it to come to you.

Apart from that, so are AT THE DRIVE-IN!

My prediction of course is that this is due to all the other bands that members of the previous have started were shit.

Elk out!

Monday, January 9, 2012

Sunday, January 8, 2012




...and now!



...yup, that just happened.

Saturday, January 7, 2012


When will it end!



Came across this today - some clever bloke has photoshoped a bunch of well known album covers and cut out the breathing-challenged members of the band.

Checky outy here: http://www.buzzfeed.com/provincialelitist/album-covers-minus-the-dead-guys

Sadly no one thought of doing Lynyrd Skynyrd...

Friday, January 6, 2012


Vellkom to Germany and Hildra wid zee big boobies - When in Frankfurt, do as the Frankenfurters do!

The River Liffey that runs through Dublin at night (the picture is at night, the river is there in the day too)

Huge needle thing at O'Connell Street

Temple Bar - pure tourism but a great pint!

Well done that man.

I loved this.

Statue of Phil Lynott in Dublin Centre

What a photo op.

When in Dublin - do as the Dubliners do.

Temple Bar

The Brazen Head, built in the 1100s and mentioned by James Joyce in Ulysses.

The Brazen Head

The first night it was fun to hear but after a few days I figured out that every live Irish pub band plays the same thing, I think I heard Dirty Old Town, Wild Rover, Irish Rover and Whiskey In The Jar 20 times each.

Watching Wizards in Bray

Deep In The Woods 66 in Bray

I feckin' loves it!

Me and Col from Sickener ready for a night of liver and ear abuse.

The long road home.

Sharez it fukko!